Introvert and the Party.

I have had days filled with anxiety. An example is when I sign up for an event on where I will be mingling with strangers. For an introvert like me, that is putting myself in a stressful situation and hoping to survive it.

If this is clearly stressful to me, why would I do this? I have had time to think about it and I think it is simple. When I make decision, I consider my best and worst case scenario. If I attend the event, what is the worst case scenario. For me, I’ll arrive at the location, see all this people and start having an anxiety attack. I’ll still summon the courage to go in and stand in a corner while waiting for a random person to say hello to me. After a while, I’ll get scared and bolt out of the room. I’ll tell myself I tried my best.

Under the best case scenario, I’ll wake up feeling fabulous. I will wear my outfit, do my makeup and I’ll ‘ginger’ up some courage. I’ll arrive at the event and be upbeat plus flirty. I’ll stand in the middle of the room and somehow work myself into a conversation with strangers. I’ll make friends and manage to make connections. At the end of the night, I’ll float home knowing that I had done the best I could as an introvert.

The thing is I never know how I’ll feel until I arrive. Some days, I am really good with large groups of people. Other days, my energy level is just too low to actual care. Even though I stress out about going out, on my good days, I come out feeling proud and happy. On my bad days, I pat myself on the back for at least trying. 

I have learned to make decisions based on dreams instead of fears. I don’t want to go through so afraid of the worst case that I miss out on the best days. So, even though I am stressing out about an event that is 5 days away, I’ll put on my big girl pants and keep making fearless decisions to show up. Sometimes, showing up is the biggest win of all.

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