Piece by Piece

perfection

I was at Ikea earlier today looking to shop for furniture for my room. I have lived in my room for about 1 year now and I have yet to really decorate it the way I want. I always seem to have a reason not to fully decorate.  One reason is because I keep telling myself I would move soon. “I won’t be at the house much longer,” a tiny voice tells me every time I think of decorating and making the space mine.

The problem with this little voice is that it tells me things like this all the time. I never quite take the time I need to create a space I love because something always seems off. The situation needs seems perfect. I always yearn for more. The thing that I am learning is that I can’t pause my pursuit of happiness because my situation is not perfect.

I have been stuck in a rut. So many ideas and no way to see them to fruition because I was too stuck in the rut of waiting to be perfect. If I am not perfect at stage 1, then I can’t get to a point where I feel like my ideas are valid.Lately, I have been missing writing my blog. So many ideas and things to say but no way get my thoughts out. Too stuck in the idea that in order to express myself, I have to have the perfect words and language

Finally, I have finally reached a point where I realize that perfection is my greatest enemy. Perfection is the roadblock that stops me from living a full life. Nobody that appears to have a full life woke up and had everything in place. No perfectly designed room magically appeared with all it pieces in place.

Slowly, I have come to a place of acceptance that my situation is not perfect. I have also come to the realization that I can build my life piece by piece. And I have been doing that. I am have gone on adventures to places close by. One day, my adventures would take me further and to grander places. I have started putting my room together, piece by piece. Last week, I bought myself a bookcase from Walmart. It was not perfect but it brought part of my vision to life. Today at Ikea, I bought a table. It is not perfect but another part of my vision is coming to be.

As I go through it piece of the transformation progress, I have come to a place of realizing that perfect lives are built. Mine isn’t perfect at the moment but I can get closer, piece by piece.

Staying the Course


As part of the process of building structure into my life, I have recently committed to eating home cooked meals. Over this summer, I have indulged in eating out pretty much 75% of my meals. As you can imagine, eating food that is loaded with fat, salt and sugar has not been good on my body.

Lately, I finally got to a point where my weight gain over the last few weeks progressed into a health issues. Yes, I was bummed as my clothes started getting tight. I kept telling myself that I could control eat it but I did nothing different. Finally my body started rebeling. My back has been hurting a lot lately. I feel sluggish. I’m just not happy with the way my body feels from a physiological point of view.

Today is like day 4 of my home cooked journey and I feel like shit. I feel like I’m going through withdrawal from junk food. I have a mean headache, the attention span of a fly and a general lack of energy. As I power through this slump, I’m almost tempted to buy a can of soda and get back on a sugar high. However, I know that this is not the solution I need. I never realized giving up junk food could be this hard. Maybe it is because I’m conscious of my body at the moment that I can feel the slump.

I’m committed to staying the course and recovering from my eating out phase. Instead of buying soda today, I had a few peaches to make me feel better. I have also been having tea today to make this transitional period easier. I’m excited to regain my energy level and start exploring yoga again. I can feel the 30 days of yoga series from Yoga with Adrienne calling my name.

Life Break Over!

ready

I feel like I took a life break. Earlier in the year, I felt overwhelmed. I felt like I was drowning. Somehow the only way to save myself was to make these choices and I made those choices. I think I made good choices. But making those choices changed my life in a good way. But when you are going through a period of growth, everything I can feel tough.

I felt depressed. I felt like I might have made a mistake. How do you quit a job that you have loved so fiercely? How do you stop and take a new path? How do I support myself through school? Who gives up the security of a job for the uncertainty of starting over again?

I did. I quit my job. I started taking classes to become a nurse. I did it and I don’t feel have ever made a better choice. But, I was still terrified.  I stopped eating and cooking properly. I stopped dressing up like I used to. I wasn’t sleeping as well. I stressed out. It took this life break for me get over the anxiety that came with this new journey. I had to learn to trust my decision. I had to trust myself.

And for the first time in about 3 months, I feel like I am ready to get back to me. I am not sure getting back to me is the right phrase. The fact is I feel like I have learned so much about myself in the past 3 months. This summer has been a moment of enlightenment. I have fallen deeply in love with who I am. I have moved closer to my authentic self. I have discovered old and new dreams.  I have done and I am doing things that I always wanted to do. I am thankful for the time I took to just be.

Now that I am, I am ready to create some structure in my life once more. I want to focus on doing again. I want to get back to cooking and eating properly. I want to grow financially. I want to write my blog again. I want to live out my life glamorous once more.

Life break is over. I am ready.

Fiction: The Girl

I had seen the girl yesterday. Everybody had seen the girl yesterday.

I had seen her rushing out of the school gates, with a white blouse like every girl in the school. Like most girls, her white blouse had that wet yellow patch, just beneath the armpit, that seeped through the thin polyester fabric. Her prescribed A-Line blue skirt was more form-fitting than the diagram for the school uniform hanging up in the staff room showed. I guess this is what happens when a young woman’s body starts to blossom. Her hips were rounded and filled the extra space that was in the skirt just a few days ago. The waistband of the blue skirt ate into her waist until just a thin layer bulged over and the button holding the band together looked to be at a precarious point.

The teachers had also seen the girl yesterday.

Mrs. Bolarinwa had seen the girl yesterday. Her face looked a bit chubby. The pimples of teenage years that had appeared to be receding last term had now exploded all over her face. Her white blouse was a bit too tight in the front, especially on her bust. You could see enough of the yellowish white camisole she wore under to protect her modesty to know that she needed a new blouse. The teacher made a mental note to keep an eye out for the girl and mention it discreetly later in the week.

Mrs. Fatade had seen the girl in the morning, yesterday. The girl had come to the staff room to place the school bell back on the high window ledge where it resided. Mrs. Fatade had watched the girl carefully because her skirt was riding a bit too high in the back. As she stood slightly on her tippy toes and strained to put the bell back into place, the slit on the back of her skirt went past the back of her knees, until the black biker shorts she wore under the skirt was visible for all to see. Mrs. Fatade, cantankerously said to her, “Isn’t your skirt a bit too tight? Or is this how you girls of these days dress to seduce men on your way home?”

Mr. Oluwadurotinmi had seen the girl in class during the second period of the day. He watched her write the day’s notes from her book on the board. He stood in a corner protecting the integrity of his white shirt and black trousers from the sootiness of the wooden black chalkboard. As he tapped his wrinkly black loafers on the floor, he admonished the class, “See how we are wasting time, ehn?” He looked at the now studious faces hunched over their notebooks quickly scribbling away and asked,“ How am I supposed to explain the reproductive system if you have not yet filled your notebooks with the explanations on gametes?” With a huff, he looked one more time through the class as he walked out and said: “I will flog anyone that has not completed the notes by the next class.”

The principal had seen the girl during the lunch break. The girl stood out because she was sitting down subdued in a corner fighting off a sleep attack. It was clear there was something really wrong with her. The principal signaled to one of the prefects on duty and pointed at the girl. The prefect went to the girl and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. She pointed to the principal whose back could now be seen disappearing into the administrative block. The girl had been asked to report herself to the office. The principal watched her walk in and thought to herself, “If this child had a mother, she would see that her child is with child.” Without so much as a greeting, the principal asked the girl, “So…who is the father?”

The girl, the child who was with child, had seen the baby’s father that morning behind the tall bushes that surrounded the school. They had looked at each other wearily because each was unsure of what to say to the other now that the unpalatable had happened. They had been arguing for the past couple of weeks since the girl realized that her menstruation had failed to appear for the second time in eight weeks, that there might be something happening to her body. The usual routine of going to school and then helping her grandmother grind pepper at the market stall was killing her. She could barely keep her eyes open to finish the endless math homework by the flames of the lantern that provided just enough yellow light.

The girl’s grandmother, Alhaja, had seen the girl sneak off to sleep in a corner in the market yesterday. She wondered why the girl all of a sudden always seem to be tired. This also reminded her that it was a while since the girl came to ask her for money to buy sanitary pad. Abi the girl had started keeping a boyfriend and collecting money from men. She was unsure of what to do. It was not possible for her to keep boyfriends. After all, she went to an all-girls high school. The grandmother had structured the girl’s life so that she went to school, lesson, market, and home. There was no hour of the day for nonsense. For surely, having free time was an opportunity to make a mess of the plan to go to polytechnic.

I had first seen the girl about six months ago when I first arrived at the school for my service year. She was in her second year of senior grammar school then. One of the brightest kids in the class, the teachers liked to say every time she exited the staff room. She was a constant presence in the staff room. Her steadfastness meant that teachers knew they could trust her with errands that other students might botch. “Please call my girl for me in room SS2B,” the teachers would say to one of the corpers if they could not find a student roaming by. We all knew the girl.

“My dear, you are going to help me buy my favorite ofada rice from that woman. Make sure she gives me good amount of meat this time o!”

“My darling, please help me clean the cooler. Make sure that you rinse it well, then take it back to Mrs. Oderinwa in Junior School staff room. Tell her that I said thank you. Also make sure you return the Coca Cola bottle to the seller at the commissary.”

“Please you will help me go and buy small kerosene from the filling station just down the road before you go home after school.”

She was constantly used in the staff room during that first term of my service year. Then we had a break. By the time we returned from the long summer vacation, a few of our senior girls were missing. Some had gone to other schools, I was told, because their parents wanted them to have good prep for WAEC. Some had been sent to schools notorious for cheating on JAMB and WAEC. Some had dropped out of school to go into the workforce because their parents could not justify one more year of school with their abysmal results from the previous year. Some of the girls were pregnant.

The girl was with child before the school year started in September. Her summer dedication to the school farm had led her beneath the heaving body of the agriculture master. He had taken to calling her, “iyawo mi” early in summer because, of all the students who came to take care of the farm, she was the only girl. The girl was really never sure how she had walked into the trap. It was not the first time she had encountered a man who projected his fantasy unto her young body. It might have been the countless mornings working beside him on the farm that made her too comfortable. It might have been the gradual way the boys from the neighboring schools slowly stopped showing up until she was left with just the agriculture master. Maybe it was the way he looked at her in a desirable manner that she was unused to from a man. Maybe it was the fact that he was really just a farm custodian, not a teacher. It might have been the fact that he was in his early twenties; not too far from her 15-year-old self. It might have been the overwhelming heat and the camaraderie that came from sharing bags of pure water while sitting under the mango tree and sucking on juicy Ogbomosho mango. One day a graze of the breast progressed too far until they were both leaning fully clothed against the tree while he fumbled and drove himself into her. Her virginity had bled down her legs and he had looked not quite remorseful by the time it was over. What was done was done.

The girl had refrained from going to the farm after the impromptu session against the mango tree. The girl simply told her grandmother that she was tired of spending time under the sun. She even made a feeble joke about becoming burnt and too black by the time school resumed. Uncharacteristically, her grandmother begged someone to let her work at their hair salon for the rest of the summer holiday. The girl found herself fetching water from the well behind the tiny shop. On days when things were slower, the amateur hairdressers practiced their skills on her hair, installing weaves in different styles and learning how to cut. On busy days, to appreciate her labor, the hairdressers gave her tips here and there as she left to go home at the end of the day.

The principal had seen the girl a few days after the new term started. The principal thought to herself that there was something off about the girl. This is a girl who had been petite since she was in junior secondary school. All of a sudden, over the course of a summer, she looked like she had filled out. Maybe it was just the hormones of puberty finally catching up with the girl. A couple of weeks after the first jarring encounter, it was clear that it was a different sort of hormones filling out the girl’s body. The principal could usually see this kind of curve coming, but this one was so sudden. Too sudden. After many years of confronting and counseling young pregnant girls, this was the first time it really hurt to know that another one had fallen prey.

The girl herself was unsure of what to do as her body changed slowly. Her first alarm came when her period had refused to show up after 28 days as was customary for her. No matter how many days she spent wearing sanitary pads in case the flow came unexpectedly, her monthly bloody visitor just did not appear. Then her breast started feeling tender and painful. She figured it was time to go speak with the agriculture master.

The young man, also known as the agriculture master, was unsure of what to say to the young girl when she told him she was with child. He could not tell her that it was another man’s child because even he had felt and seen the dissolution of her virginity. Now it appeared that he was to pay for that hot day when common sense had deserted him long enough for an afternoon tryst against the mango tree. He told her that he would take care of her and it. The young girl did not look convinced but she said nothing else as she left him that morning on the first day of the school year.

The principal saw the young girl that morning as she walked into the school compound and took a detour for the mango tree. She figured that the child with child was probably going to check on the farm as part of her duties as the head-girl. She did not imagine that the girl would be reporting to the agriculture master that she felt the first flutter of life in her belly that morning. The agriculture master looked somewhere between uncomfortable at the looming crisis and joyous at the arrival of his first child. The father-to-be thought long and hard during those first few nights after the news of the pregnancy had been broken to him. He had visited with herbalists and bought the girl brews meant to encourage the end of the gestation. Unfortunately for the entangled duo, although the girl had been extraordinarily nauseous and felled with constant stomach cramps, the pregnancy continued. It was clear that this was a strong child determined to be born regardless of the consequences to its mother and father.

Silent Accomplice

Silence is unacceptable in the face of injustice, and being neutral is being a coward and an accomplice to the evil sides of our history.

Silence is unacceptable in the face of injustice, and being neutral is being a coward and an accomplice to the evil sides of our history.

I have spent the last couple of days processing what to say in this post. If you are on Facebook, you might have seen the post where I stated that a man referred to me in the derogatory “N” word. He calling me a Nigger is not the first time I have had my blackness muddied in America. His word was hurtful but not as terrifying as the low growls of  dog set upon me in the streets of Somerville. Nor was it as soul-crushing as the persistent lack of opportunities I have faced in Boston as a black woman.

 

One of the blessings of my life has always been that my heritage lies in Nigeria, in the grand Yoruba land. My heritage lies in the stories of my ancestors. It lies in the stories I was told as a child in Yoruba. It lies in the songs that I was sung. It lies in my name. In my ‘oriki.’ My strong connection with my past means that in my present I feel no trauma. I have always believed that I am a first class citizen. Not second…first.

For the longest time, I lived in that bubble in America. I went to schools where I was the token black student. Instead of feeling somewhat isolated, I felt I was special and breathing some rarefied air. In the past few years of living in Boston, I have come to realize that my privilege as the token black kid in class is, in fact, another symptom of my second class status in America. The truth is no matter how many doors open for me because I am special or different, as long as the door is not open for all, discrimination still exists. Where discrimination exists, we all remain victims. And some of us, remain perpetrators or even beneficiaries of such discrimination when we remain passive. The truth is if we are unable or refuse to confront/deconstruct the false privileges of being exceptionally black, then we cannot truly begin to claim equal status.

In this age of nuanced racism, I feel bad for people of color who are unable to process the complexities of racism. Sometimes I see a black person express an idea that is so racist and I cringe. Maybe partly because I have been that person. You know that person that claims to be African, not African-American, because we believe we are somehow exceptional and not black. I cringe because I understand that when awareness dawns, this person who is now exceptional would have to deal with accepting their ordinariness and redefining how they see the world.

The thing that makes a lot of racism, as well as other discrimination, so dangerous is the small ways that they sneak up. The truth is, in this day and age, a very few people have the gall to say that they believe that a particular sub-set of people are second class. Those people who wear their bias openly are actually not the most dangerous. They are annoying as hell. The most dangerous people are the people who have conscious, even unconscious, bias that is not clearly expressed. Those people would send you to a mental home trying to figure out if you have just been slighted or you are being overly sensitive.

While I was processing how to write this post, I was lucky to run into this essay by Kevin Powell. His sentence on the silent neutrality being an accomplice to injustice validated my decision to break my vow not to speak about Trump. Early in the election season when Donald Trump first started his craziness, I checked out. I refused to acknowledge him. Maybe it was my privilege or naiveté, I had a feeling that America the great melting pot would strike him out. So I took a voice of silence and told everyone I won’t speak about him. The truth is I don’t like talking about discrimination and racism. Who wants to be an angry black woman? I have had a group of white friends tell me that I have a chip on my shoulder when I tried to engage them on diversity issues.

As much as I loathe discomfort, I refuse to be a coward. I refuse to be an accomplice to injustice. I refuse to luxuriate in black immigrant exceptionalism. I refuse to confuse living in the ghettos of inequality as being accomplished. I am going to start making more comments about what it means to live in a black body. About how I feel unsafe on the train now because I am not sure what lies behind the eyes watching me. About how I am unable to walk on the sidewalk of my neighbors’ house because they have a dog and I am afraid they might set it on me because someone once did. About how I don’t network in Boston because I am usually the only black person or one of a few people of color in a room of professionals. About how I am considering a second career but I am trying to avoid fields that may lead to the black tax.

I refuse to be silent.

March ON!

 

March ONMarch is finally here and I am getting my head fully into the half-marathon training program that I am using. February seems to have snuck up on me and taken away my breathe. I found myself sick for the first two weeks in February. I was quite depressed about it because I thought it would ruin my training. After allowing my body to heal, I got back on the horse and I have to say that I am quite encouraged with the progress I am making.

I have been luck with Boston weather this year because we have not had a significant amount of snow. The weather has been quite warm for winter. This has meant that I am able to run outside instead of just relying on a treadmill for the early part of my training. This is a lucky break because I am discovering that running on a treadmill does not use the same muscles and strength as running outside. First few times I did a training run outside I felt some new muscles that I usually don’t engage when I use the treadmill

Running outside allows me to instinctively understand my body and develop a knack for pacing my runs.

Also running outside allows me to self-regulate my pace. This I am discovering is a critical part of training for race. It is awesome that running on a treadmill forces me to maintain a steady pace but it does not allow for the instinctive understanding of my body. By running outside, I am starting to understand what easy pace means to me. It means being able to breathe easily. It means being able to pick my foot up and put the other down without feeling heavy. And that easy pace is something that I want to sustain as I keep training for this half marathon.

I have been struggling with getting in my strength training and cross-training. I have added yoga to my program as a strength training and cross training activity because I feel like depending on the routine I get both benefits. In March though I am going to try to shift yoga to just a strength training activity.  I am planning on adding spinning as my cross training activity. I read an article in Runner’s World that said cycling gives you the equivalent of an easy run in terms of gaining efficiency in the body during running.

During this period, I have discovered that music makes a big difference in how I feel when I am running. I am absolutely loving Britney Spears’ “Work” like I was last month. That is my don’t quit/dig deep/get into euphoria jam. I definitely need to start making a playlist for the half-marathon.

As for food, I have been having a lot of beets. Beets are supposed to be energizing. Plus I just feel like the extra iron and calcium that I am getting is worth it. I love having my beets in smoothies. I need to clean up my diet a bit, though. I eat a lot of veggies naturally but I feel like I need to be more conscious of eating for function. I am resisting doing that nothing makes me more depressed that having to control my food. I work out so that I can have some freedom with my food. I will probably get more in tune with the necessary diet the closer I get to the race day. For now, I am practicing my regular moderation.

I am actually excited about all the changes going on with my body as I get more runs in. No, I am not losing a crazy amount of weight but my body is changing. I feel my strength in little and big ways. During yoga today, plank was not as hard as it used to be. I walked a steep hill the other day with a heavy bag and I barely felt it. It is moments like these that make me realize that my body is registering all my hard work. Hopefully, the commitment to training would see me to the finish line.

It’s Super Tuesday! Are you ready to vote?

Super Tuesday is finally here! The day I get to vote for the first time. I am super, super, super excited. I think I am ready to vote. I woke up this morning and confirmed my polling station in my town. Turns out it is a walk from my house.I also checked out the ballot to see who the options are. Oh! I am actually off work as well so I have no pressure on me. I can take my time voting and enjoying the moment. takes a deep breathe

Let me tell you why I am so excited to vote. I grew in Nigeria, in the days of Abacha. I grew in a military dictatorship. Even though Nigeria was not voting, my mother always talked about elections and voting. I remember the day Sani Abacha died. I remember when Abdul-Salami Abubakar gave that first speech on NTA. We were still in FESTAC. My mother was literally jumping and screaming at the TV in excitement.

I don’t take the right to vote for granted. I have been a US resident for about 13 years. I have lived through the George Bush re-election. I was in California during the recall year when Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected. I was here through the beginning of Obama game-changing ascension from the unknown to the Presidency. I remember so wanting to vote in that election. I was unable because I was only a resident. Now I am a citizen.

Being an American citizen has been one of the most unexpected stories of my life. It has also been one of the most defining status of my adulthood. Being American gave me the freedom to discover who I wanted to be and believe I could be that person.

I am excited to do my duty as a citizen. I am excited to make a choice. It is not an easy choice. No matter how certain I am about the candidate I am voting for, I have come to realize that as a voter I have to be prepare for heartache. I am keeping my eyes on the bigger picture. Do my bit and hope that other do theirs as well.

It is funny that when I first started thinking of voting, I never imagined I would even be interested in the primaries. Since I have immersed myself in this election cycle, I have come to realize that voting counts at every stage. As such Super Tuesday would be my first vote. Seems like less of a bit deal since it isn’t the big November election but I know this is important.

*If you live in the state of Massachusetts and you are not sure if you are registered to vote, check out your status here. It will give your voter status. You can also see your polling station as well as a sample of the ballot.

 

Restorative Silence

There is something powerful in hearing nothing

silence

The first time I took a yoga class was really early in the morning. I remember dragging myself to the little room in the gym and going through all of these movement. Then, at the end, I remember Savasana, or corpse pose, feeling like all the stress I had accumulated was drained out of my body. In that moment, I felt so relieved. I felt like I had slept for hours instead of the minutes of calmness. Silence, it appears, could restore my equilibrium. That was weird to me because I have always been afraid of silence. I tend to fill up spaces with sounds. I even talk out loud to myself if I feel like a space is too silent.

In the past  few week though I have been craving silence. It started with my morning walk to the train station. I tend to leave my house early in the still morning to walk to train station. At that time, there are not a lot of cars or people moving around. It is usually really quiet. I normally would have my earphones on and listen to music really loud. Recently though I have been walking in silence. At first, it was because I felt like I needed that time to think about how I wanted my day to go. To visual the many steps and goals for the day.

This meditative walk turned into taking the train to work without playing music. The train has a rhythm of its own I have discovered. It is the way the train rolls on the rail and takes the curves in the way. It is in the beep on public announcement system. It is the voice of the conductor announcing the upcoming stations. It is all just one sound outside my head. Soon, without music, that rhythm disappears and becomes silence. I find myself getting lost in my own thoughts instead of the beats pumping into my head. On my day off, I usually spend a considerable amount of time in the kitchen playing music. In the past weeks, I have spent time in the kitchen, without music, just listening to the wind and the city moving about me.

Being in silence has had a centering effect on me. I feel like I am calmer because of it. I am not so hyped up. The one big thing it has done is allow me be able to hear better. I used to listen to my music so loud. A few days ago, I put my earphones on and I had to reduce the music to really low because I was not used to anything that loud. My phone calls have also gotten better because I am calm and able to hear better.

I am starting to think of this silent period as a sort of Savasana. I am after all the person who has always enjoyed Savasana, the last silent moment of yoga practice. There is something powerful about the restorative calm of hearing nothing and being turned inward.

*If you feel like you could use some calm, try practicing Savasana. The Yoga journal has a whole article on getting into Savasana  and its benefits here.

What’s in the Gym Bag?

Are small towels motivation to get thinner?

Towels.jpg

I did not grow up in gym culture. I grew up in Lagos where exercise was really about walking from one place to another. Of course, there was inter-house sports day in school but it was sports was a special occassion. Physical Education classes were for learning rules of different games not actually playing games. By the time I left Lagos though, gym culture was slowly infiltrating the mainstream. I remember do crunches on the brown carpet in my mother’s house because I heard that was how people got flat tummy.

When I arrived in the US at 16 and started community college, my step-mother randomly signed me up for a step aerobic class. It was not in my original schedule but she slipped it in there. This was the first time that I was part of a formal “gym” class. That was 13 years ago.

In that time, I have become an active member of gym culture. One of the things that I have had to learn was how to pack a gym bag. Trust me when I say that a well packed gym bag is an essential part of my work-out. When I first started going to the gym, I was very body conscious. I was mystified as to why the towels just seemed so small. Are small towels motivation to get thinner?  At first I used to pack my own extra large towel with me to the gym. Now I don’t even bother putting a towel in my bag. No, I have not gotten thinner. I have simply gotten more body confident.

I have gotten really good at packing my gym bag to include the things that are essential to me. Here are a few things that I am currently packing in my gym bag

  1. Body Wash: This is a new product that I have gotten addicted to. I have finicky skin that gets itchy quickly so I have to be careful with my body wash. I have used so many great ones in the past. My current favorite body wash is the Arnica Sports Shower Gel by Weleda. This is a new product that I have gotten addicted to so quickly.
  2. Body Oil: I like oil. Some people find oil too greasy or too shiny to use on their skin. I am the opposite. I find oil to be the best thing for my skin. There are many great lotions on the market and I use them occasionally.  When I am treating my skin right though I use coconut oil or an oil blend that I have mixed at home myself. I am currently in love with the Nature’s Way Liquid Coconut Oil. I use that on my face and body at night at home. At the gym I use it on my body only.
  3. Face Wash: When I first moved back to the US in 2013, I did not really have a face care routine. I have become a face care addict in that time and I have tried many great brands. My favorite brand to use on my face hands down is Acure. I love their stuff so much. I use the Acure Facial Cleansing Creme because it is so gentle yet so effective. I can tell the difference in the quality of my skin.
  4. Face Oil: Again, I use Acure brand face oil. I am a big fan of their Argan oil. My favorite from their line though, for winter, is the Seriously Firming Facial Serum. This serum is really just an intense blend of Argan Oil, Borage Oil and Cranberry Oil. I wear it under my make-up as well.
  5.  Shower Cap: If you have black natural hair like I do or just a really delicate hair style then you understand this one. I don’t have a fancy shower cap. My sister bought one of those packs with hundreds of flimsy caps last year and I have just been using those.
  6. My Make-Up Bag: I don’t wear make-up everyday. Sometimes I wish I did but I don’t. However, I carry my make-up bag with me everyday in my gym bag because there are some days when I have time and I just really want to doll up my face. I will do another post on my make-up bag sometimes soon.
  7. Anti-perspirant/Deodorant: I use to wear a deodorant for a while simply because it is supposed to be better for the body. However, I found myself really conscious about my body odor. While I recognize the risk in wearing an anti-perspirant,I switched because it made me less self-conscious. I usually wear a gel from Secret.

Of course there are other things that I put in my gym bags depending on the day of the week. However, these are the things that are consistently in my bag. For things that I use out of the gym as well, I tend to buy two. I keep one in my gym bag permanently and I use one at home. It is just easier for me that way because I don’t have to worry about forgetting anything.

What do you have in your gym bag?

 

 

The Guilt of No

Saying Maybe Delays the Guilt. Say NoI was a consumer behavior researcher, for a hot minute during my graduate school days. My research work dealt with the relationship between intention and behavior. One of the most important things I learned is that intention precedes behavior. Intention, for the most part, is within the full control of a person. Behavior is influenced by a series of factors that are not necessarily within the full control of a person.

Understanding and acknowledging the relationship between intention and behavior is an important part of living a guilt-free life, in my opinion. Sometimes we intend to help but we are unable to help. By understanding that which is beyond our control, we are able to let go of the guilt of being unable. I am reminded of this a lot when I volunteer on Mondays. This past Monday I was leading the shift when an older couple came in. Neither one of them could have been younger than 80. They were both almost frail but sort of full of life. They had stopped at the office to see how they could help.

There are many ways you can help a campaign. Not everyone is able to do everything. The older couple that came in were unable to help much because neither one of them couple could complete basic tasks on the computer. They both felt so guilty and kept apologizing. I kept trying to reassure them that their intention in coming to help was much more important than the fact they were unable to help. The fact that we are using a computerized system is beyond their control. As such, they shouldn’t feel guilty.

Personally, as much as I intend to help the campaign, I can’t do everything. Sometimes, I can’t do anything. Sometimes, I am unable to volunteer for more than 3 hours at a time. Sometimes, I feel guilty about leaving people behind and going home. I know this guilt is irrational. One of the things that I am working on is letting go of irrational guilt.

I have started spending a lot of time thinking about my intentions. What am I intending to do when I go to work in the morning? I intend to help customers have a wonderful shopping experience. However, if a customer asks me to answer a question and I am unable to answer it, does that mean I have failed for the day? No, it means that the question is beyond my volitional control as such I am unable to follow through on my intention.

By focusing on my intention, I have also been able to recognize my limitations. Yes, I would like to help. But, no, I am unable to help. I am learning how to say “no.” In the past, I would edge my bet and say “maybe.” Saying “maybe”was a way of not having to acknowledge my limitations. But “maybe” really was a way of delaying the guilt. Now, I am honest. I say “no.” By saying “no,” I set myself free and I am able to do the best of that which I can.