Today I went to CPR class at my new school. I am supposed to be starting nursing school in January and I am required to be CPR certified in order to be able to take classes. It was really interesting being in that room because I was sort of in awe. The room was filled with students from my school. Both new, current and alumni attended the class. It was interesting to hear everyone talking about classes and certifications. It took back to when I was just beginning this nursing journey about 2 years ago. Can you believe it was April 2016 when I took the TEAS? Although I ultimately did not get into nursing school then, I have still been taking prerequisite classes.
Before I started my nursing school journey, I had known that I needed a career transition for more than a year. I think I outgrew my job in retail but I was too scared to quit. One, I have 3 degrees already. Two, I was thinking about how I was old. Four, I wanted to achieve other life goals and not be stuck in school. Also, because I am not rich, I figured the best bet was to keep the job and find a new one. I had been applying for other jobs consistently but nothing seems to happen. I kept praying and hoping that something would happen. But nothing seems to happen. The longer I stay in my retail job, the more I realize that the joy was no longer there.
So I decided that I needed to bite the bullet and do a career transition. I had a few criteria for a new career. It had to be people-centered. There had to be prospects for longevity. I also wanted something that had space for me to grow. I did not want to go into a clustered industry and have to throw my elbows around to find a job. I want to be in demand. I also needed a field that was woman and minority friendly. After much thought and consideration, I sent my sister a message it middle of the night: “Nursing?”
This is how I started my career transition from retail to nursing.
I decided that I wanted more for my life so I decided to do something about it. Learn something new. Pick up some new skills, stretch myself in ways that I am afraid to. I signed up for classes on Coursera. I actually reached into my pocket, paid the class fees and started learning. 4 hours of learning later or so, I feel like I have reached the most logical point to give up. Fuck all my aspirations, hopes and dreams. Forget about my life time. In this moment when I feel uncomfortable, I have reached the logical point to give up. I could spend my whole life complaining about why I don’t feel satisfied instead of pushing myself to do something new.
I told my sister I was starting classes online. She told me she was afraid for me. I have been diagnosed with chronical lack of follow through. I have no willpower. I hate being uncomfortable. I would rather do the same thing over and over again then be uncomfortable. Haven’t you heard? I ate the same plate of food from a restaurant for a week because I was afraid that I might hate everything else. Why ruin a mediocre life with adventures when I could be just okay? Just okay paying my bills, just okay intellectual simulation, just okay lifestyle. I could tell my mother every phone call that I am grateful for the just okay life. Alihamdulilahi for the just okay.
I think it is probably a sin to confuse complacency with gratitude. A very thin line it is but there comes a point when saying “I am grateful for what I have” becomes a sin because you are refusing to push yourself just further. I think I have reached the logical point to quit just okay. I am done. I am going to put on my big girl pants and get to work.
This is one of the hardest things I will probably do. This is probably the most rewarding thing I will probably do. I feel like at 29, I am ready to let go of my inhibitions and become more than just okay. I want to see in myself what my mother, father, sister, mentors and friends see in me. I want to be more than just okay.