I saw you walking down the streets. At first, I saw just you. You walked with the gait of a man’s man. One leg askew as the other bent. You had on that tan cargo pants with the long sleeves black sweater. And in your right hand, you clutched a bunch of stems. From my position behind you, all I saw where the rough stems. All different shades of green and sizes. They look like they had been cut from the someone’s garden. Those certainly did not have the mark of a florist’s blade.
The traffic moved enough for me to be able to look back on you. You took my breathe away. For in your hands were the most beautiful collection of wildflowers. They were haphazard in a way that my words can’t capture. You had flowers with fluffy green clusters and some with purple tips. There was that deep purple foliage that added a touch of color. And there were yellow blooms. All in your hand that looked like it hard been textured by hard physical work. I looked at you again. Then, I thought your gait was actually the springiness of a man hurrying to a lover. I could see you smiling at people who you knew but never stopping. You sloppily tucked in the hem of your pants at some point.
Eventually, I lost you in my rearview mirror. I lost you and the picture perfection of a man holding wildflowers. You are what I imagine my love would be one day. A man hurrying home to me with flowers.
Sometimes I wish life was simpler. I wish I could be as bold as I was when I was much younger; probably in college days. I grew up an extremely shy girl. Then something happened towards the end of high/secondary school and for all of college that made me really bold. I was still shy; but I took many risks. And then some years after college, I did a 360 back to the shy girl I used to be.
The dating game is really just that; a game. It was so much easier in college. Or maybe it wasn’t. But it’s even more complicated now. You meet a guy. You think there was a connection. You exchange numbers. And then the waiting begins. Day 1, 2, 3…. At this point you’re wondering if you should call him. You talk to your friend and she says, ‘Don’t call him. Don’t let him think you’re desperate.’ So you keep waiting. And wait forever. But sometimes I wonder if the guy also needs a push. Maybe he’s not sure whether you like him or not. Maybe he’s wondering if he was the only one that felt the connection. Maybe….a million and one maybes. And you’d never know if you don’t make that call. But we never make that call.
Why can’t life be simpler? Why can’t women be bolder? Why can’t I like a guy and call him up and straight up ask if he likes me too? Why waste all that precious time, when you can find out immediately and start to build something good OR move on and close that door?
Being single is fun. You only have yourself to think about. You can go wherever, do whatever; without thinking about someone else. You don’t need a man to define you. You shouldn’t plan your entire life around a man. Yes, I know all that. However, let’s be honest. It’s also pretty lonely. It’s my theory that after a certain point (different ages for different people), you are supposed to be with someone. And the absence of that someone messes up your balance and throws you off completely. And until you find that someone, you can’t find your balance. No matter how happy you are, there’s that nagging question at the back of your head….”Where is he?”
My two pennies.